Don't Let Wedding Planning Torpedo Your Relationship

You just got engaged and you are walking on clouds and sunshine. Life is so amazing. Nothing can torpedo the relationship. You wake up in the night just to look at your ring and confirm it's not a dream, you are actually getting married.  Whoo hoo! Yay! We are sooooo in love. We are going to have a romantic, dream wedding.  NOTHING can go wrong, right?

photo from Naval Analyses

Before you jump headfirst into wedding planning, WHOA!  Take a break and do some serious talking with your fiance. If parents are helping pay for the wedding, talk to them also. Stave off all the arguments by making some serious decisions before you sign any contracts.

Planning a wedding, like a marriage, involves compromise.  No compromise equals constant fighting that will eventually torpedo a relationship. 

• Are you and your fiance on the same page as to the kind and style of wedding you want?

photo from Lovemyweddingmag

If you want a formal cathedral wedding and he wants a barn wedding in the woods, there needs to be a lot of discussion and decision on type of wedding. Can you find a happy medium? Can you find a way to incorporate both of what you want and stay in budget? If you are marrying a groomzilla, look out.

• You are different religions. Are you going to go with one religion over the other for the ceremony? Are your parents going to get into the discussion/ arguement? In what religion are you going to raise any future children?

Religion is a hot button with couples and their families. These questions need to be addressed and discussed BEFORE you make wedding plans.  I've known couples who broke up because they couldn't compromise or agree. Or because parents of one of the couple created such a situation if the groom converted to the bride's religion. The bride decided that if he'd not stand up for what he wanted as an adult, he wasn't marriage material. 

• Money and budget.  You have saved X amount of money and parents are contributing (or not) X amount of money.  

photo from weddingvenuechicago

How are you going to spend it?  How are you going to allocate to the reception,invitations, flowers, aparel, attendants gifts, etc?

What is the most important? What is the least important?

How are you going to stick to the budget? If you overspend in one category, which categories will you cut down to balance the budget?  

• How many guests can you afford to you invite?  This includes your family, his family and your friends.  How many invitations will you allocate to your family, his family and your friends?  

Can you stand your ground when his parents want extra invites for friends they haven't seen in 20 years?  Or your parents because people "owe them a gift" because they gifted at their friends' family wedding? Or your fiance because he wants to invite his entire fraternity and baseball team and their significant others?
Most wedding venues charge per head.  If you invite just a few extra people, or guests bring their children, it can be a budget buster.

• Before you become mortal enemies over wedding planning, here's some things to keep in mind:

1. The wedding is about the relationship, your relationship with each other. The wedding is NOT ABOUT THE PARTY.  If you only care about the party/reception, call a halt to the planning.  You'll save yourself from a divorce.  
2. Take a break from wedding planning for a week or two. Take the time to de-stress, take walks, a yoga class, play with your dog, have a date night with no wedding talk.
3. Once you and your fiance come to terms with what your vision is for your wedding, listen to others, but stand your ground. 
4. Forget the "Is my day, it's all about me" attitude unless you want all of us to be hating on you. It's about BOTH of you and your future together.