"Every Wedding Is A Royal Wedding" , Unconventional Thoughts on a Very Traditional Wedding

The last royal wedding I saw was when Princess Fiona married Shreck, and this pretty much blew that wedding out of the water. And what a royal wedding it has been so far!

OK, I swore I wouldn't get up early and watch the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. I was in the beauty salon yesterday and the gals had taken bets that I'd be their first customer to get up and watch the wedding. No way...I'm not getting up at 4:30AM unless I'm flying to Vegas or George Clooney and nudity are involved. When I went to bed, I told the husband that I wasn't getting up...and yet, here I sit, with the dog, watching the royal wedding.

OMG.....what a ceremony! Westminster Abby is a beautiful church, the choir and the orchestra blew me away! The pomp and circumstances are beyond comprehension. I also found the ceremony to be very meaningful. I didn't think he was going to get the ring on her finger, it sort of stuck on her finger. Loved that they kept exchanging glances and smiles.

Doesn't the Archbishop of Cantebury have an great voice? And I loved it when the Bishop of London or England) said "Every wedding is a royal wedding...." Hear, hear! Every bride SHOULD be a princess on her wedding day.

And what goes through the Queen's mind when everyone sings 'God Save The Queen'? She probably thinks...damn, right! I noticed her husband, Prince Philip, was mumbling along, but not with any sort of enthusiasm.

And the bride....beautiful, stunningly beautiful. I've never seen such grace under pressure. If Kate was nervous, she didn't show it, she looked so serene. And soooo beautiful! The dress looks so 1950's. Its not what I expected even though I knew she was REQUIRED to have a modest dress with long sleeves. It's so freaking traditional. The lace looks like gorgeous floral expensive Chantilly lace...the real deal, modified Queen Ann neckline, sheer long lace sleeves with the bridal point cuff. The skirt had pleats with solid lace embellished front and cathedral length train. I'm sure it's expensive silk because I can see the silk wrinkles in the skirt. I can't wait to see close up pics of the gown. I can't tell if the dress had any pearls or beading.

Loved the mantilla style veil as she walked down the aisle, hated it when it was pulled back. I thought it was too flat, but its a mantilla...what did I expect? I did expect a cathedral length (long) veil because she was marrying in a cathedral, but it was fingertip length. I loved that it was edged in lace. Will this bring back traditional veils?

I expected the tiara to be taller. If I was the Princess To Be, I'd want to wear the tallest tiara in the vault. Maybe tiara height is based on protocol or royal rank, you think? It's a Cartier tiara, given to Queen Elizabeth by her mother on her 18th birthday, so there is a big family tradition to the tiara. Just heard it was 42 carats of diamonds. I thought it was understated, yet perfect with the dress.

I also expected the flower bouquet to be bigger. I thought she'd be carrying flowers that extended almost to the hem of her gown. It was as if everything Kate choose was compact and uber traditional. It worked perfectly.

Pippa,her sister, wore white. Gasp! The dress was modest, with a draped cowl neck, short cap sleeves trimmed in lace, buttons up the back and figure hugging silhouette that was quite sexy looking. I liked it!

And the groom.....I am sure Diana is smiling down proudly. Wow, so handsome in his uniform. He reminds me of the prince on the Palace of Riches video slot machine.

The Queen looked sunny in her yellow coat and hat. Camilla looked matronly, as expected. Kate's mother looked beautiful like her daughters. I wonder if they remove their hats at the reception. Anyone know?

Prince Philip creeps me out. Why doesn't the royal barber tame down his eyebrows? He looks so fierce. You can never tell if he's happy or totally annoyed.

And what the heck were Prince Andrew's and Fergie's daughters thinking with the strange dresses and hats? I've never seen a hat with a donut in front and a foot tall structured bow perched on top of it. I expected it to twirl. Those gals needed a stylist. Maybe it was a statement....you should have invited our mother. Wonder what Fergie is doing today?

The royal kiss....a quick peck, a second quick kiss. For gawds sake, dip her and plant one on her! OMG, loved the flower girl on the balcony who covered her ears during the royal fly by. So cute!

None of us will be privy to the reception. Will Kate wear another dress for the reception? Will William change into something less formal? Did her parents high five each other that their daughter married well and they barely had to pay for the extravaganza wedding? Will Kate's wedding dress bring back more traditional wedding dresses? Inquiring minds want to know. I wish the couple only the best, despite living life in a fishbowl.

Send comments, love to hear your impressions!

Royal Wedding Questions That Aren't Being Answered

I swore I'd leave the royal wedding wedding pass and not comment.  The media is making me crazy with all the coverage.  Only two more days, but there are so many questions I NEED answered that aren't being answered or even asked.  Since my brain doesn't work like a normal brain, here are some of the wedding questions that I find interesting and I want answered.  

What if Kate has to pee during the festivities?   As our American queen, Oprah says  "Everyone pees."  Since a lot of women are nervous pee-ers,  did protocol go over the "what if's" with Kate?   Does she start dehydrating herself before the wedding?   Does she wear a Depend?  Or does she just stand there and suffer?   Or is she discreetly escorted to the royal throne room?   ;)  And is there a staff member assigned to hold up her train while she does her business?    OK, you many find this silly, but after working with brides for eons, I know brides worry about this subject.  Common brides usually assign this task to their maid of honor.  I hope Kate has this handled.  Stay away from the tea and coffee and soda, Kate.

And speaking of Oprah, why wasn't she invited to the wedding?  I mean, I can understand the Obama's, but Oprah?   Really?   Do the British want to open up old wounds from when we split from their rule?  

What happens if it rains and the feathered hats and fascinators worn by the guests start to reek and smell?  Nothing smells worse than wet feathers unless its a wet dog.   I can't imagine wet feathers in a musty old palace overtaking the smell of wedded bliss at the reception. 

What if Camilla needs a smoke?   Is there a place she can escape to light up? Nothing is worse than needing a smoke and not being able to smoke, kind of like suffering through a long airplane flight.  And is Camilla pissed that she wasn't able to have a royal wedding?   And will she cringe when the groom remembers his mother during the ceremony?  

Will Prince Harry stay sober during the festivities?  Will we see You Tube videos of him stumbling around London with some woman of ill repute in the early morning hours following the wedding? 

Will the queen have a little shot of  jagermeister to steady her nerves and keep her tiara headache from getting full blown?  Will she wear a tiara under her hat?  

And who will be the first company to produce the copy of Kate's dress?  One of the Moradi family  from Faviana was on the Today show and they have sketchbooks out and ready.  Shout out to the gang at Faviana....hey, Omid!   Faviana is a contender as are ABS by Alan Schwartz and every factory in China who manufacturers anything wedding related.   Or will it be some independent seamstress on Etsy?  

Royal Wedding Predictions and What the Heck is In the Queen's Handbag?

Are you going to clip on your fascinator or tiara, brew a cup of tea  and watch the royal wedding?  As a wedding blogger, I am obligated to watch so I can critique the wedding and look for wedding trends that will be the buzz of the wedding world.  I've tried to avoid all the pre-wedding hype, but its unavoidable.  The royal wedding is on every news and entertainment program.  All the newscasters get excited when they talk about the wedding.....they aren't invited, they aren't related to the couple.  I don't get it. 

I turned on the Today show and they featured Kate's childhood home.  I'd only had one cup of coffee, so I was only marginally interested.  Actually, I confess, I've only been marginally interested in the entire wedding festivities.  I am interested in Kate's wedding dress because I am obsessed with wedding dresses.  And I'm also interested in seeing what Camill-er will be wearing.  (Where is the R in Camilla???)  The Queen's tiara will captivate me as I am easily distracted by shiny objects. The tiara is real, people....real priceless gems.  Now that's interesting and fascinates me.   And speaking of the Queen, what does she keep in her handbag?  She holds on to it in public like it holds the keys to the royal jewels and all the castles.  Here's my guess:  smart phone so she can play Angry Birds, cigarettes, dog treats and a pair of scissors for ribbon cuttings.   What's your guess? 

My royal wedding predictions:

•  Humongous hats and fascinators worn by the female guests.  In the USA, we can only liken it to the hats worn at the Kentucky Derby. 

•  I have no doubt that China will have copies of Kate's dress ready to ship by Monday morning.  It's what they do, it happened when Charles married Diana.  Diana's dress was in great demand, minus the mile long train, but lets face it, no one wore it like Diana.  

• The flowers will be lavish and over the top.  I'm thinking monotone white flowers, like lilies, roses, gardenias and lots of greenery.   Diana did gardenias, they may be included in her memory. 

• The bride will be uber thin, nervous, smiling and carrying a large bouquet.  

• I am thinking veil versus hat, with a long veil as long veils are cathedral length and its being held in a cathedral.  I'm also going with tiara, after all, when you marry into a family with real gem tiaras, you want to wear one every chance you get.  A girl can never have too many tiaras, especially if they are real.  The tiara will be her something borrowed.  

Shut Up About The Royal Wedding Already!

I don't think I'm going to survive the royal wedding.  I made a vow I was going to boycott the news or the royal wedding, but I can't seem to avoid it.  Its everywhere!

This morning I turned on the TV and the newscaster chirpily said " There are less than 80 days to Kate and William's wedding".  And this is news and it affects me how?  Then she proceeded to say you can download an I-phone app that counts down the days to the wedding.  OMG, if you need to download this app, you need to get a life.

Flipping channels I came across a dress designer who claims that Kate will wear two wedding dresses.  Of course, the first dress will ABSOLUTELY have long sleeves because the aisle in Westminster Abbey is so long that long sleeves are required.  REALLY?  I never got the memo. 

Another channel talks about Kate dieting before the wedding.  Really?  If she loses any more weight, all we will be able to see is the big smile and the feathers sticking out of her hat.  The newscaster said " Of course, all future brides want to lose weight for their wedding."   Yeah,  IF they need to lose weight, she's bone thin already.

Another channel is interviewing two blokes who will be joining the crowd outside the Abbey  the day of the wedding.  They are trying to decide whether to wear top hats.  Really?  I couldn't hog tie my husband to stand in any crowd, much less wear a top hat.

Flipping again,  there is discussion if Kate will wear a tiara.  Kate, if your future grandmother in law is willing to loan you some royal jewels, go for it.   Return it at your leisure.

Flip!  The royal wedding will NOT have a budget.  I know thousands of brides who are pinching pennies for the most basic wedding who would like to slap the crap out of that newscaster, just because. 

Geeze, then there's the news that China is churning out Kate and William trinkets to sell so everyone can have a royal souvenir.  I'll pass.

As an American, I don't get the monarchy.  I don't get what they do...if they do anything besides smile before the camera.   Do they have jobs?  Do they get paid?

 Avoiding the royal wedding is like trying to avoid news of Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan.   Go back to rehab already.  With all the turmoil in Egypt, I find this all hard to digest as news. How is the royal wedding any more important than YOUR wedding?  I give the whole thing a big WHO CARES and a big REALLY?

Weddingzilla Dishes On the Royal Wedding

As an American,  I don't get royalty.  But I DO get weddings, so I'm going to dish on what I know about the royal wedding.

Here's my take on the wedding.

The queen is the boss of her family.   She is sort of like your bossy grandmother or aunt who always gets her own way.  Everyone is afraid of her.  The queen is a figurehead, she has no real power, but she decides everything in her family.  She will run the wedding, sort of like a royal wedding coordinator. 

The wedding day will be a bank holiday so that everyone can be off work to watch the wedding on TV.  There is even talk of it being shown on British TV in 3 D.  Wow, tiaras and big hats in 3D, just imagine!  OMG,  I just had a vision of British dental work in high def. 

The wedding dress will be a big secret. You won't read about it on Wiki Leaks.  It will be expensive and its not something anyone but a stick thin gal can wear.  It might be big and poofy,  it might be slinky, but it will be out of everyone's price range guaranteed.  Also guaranteed:  Copies of the dress will hit the mass market April 30th, so that you, too, can dress like a princess if you so desire. 

The bride will wear a tiara out of real diamonds....the queen will dig out something from her royal vault and have it polished up so there will be no need to shop for her headpiece.  It will be worth millions of dollars, so quit whining that you have to shell out $50 for a tiara on Ebay because your mom insists you wear one. Her tiara will be heavy enough to give her a headache.  Yours will not and look just as good and you don't have to give yours back.

The prince will wear something like a tux, or a morning coat, probably with stripes or tails.  It will be something your fiance will NEVER EVER wear, so don't even try. 

Even though the royal wedding will be accommodating a certain amount of  "commoners",  you and I won't be invited, so its not necessary to rush out and get a passport, and shop for a big hat.  Besides, I don't want to go anywhere where I'm considered common.  Have yet to hear if Oprah will be invited.  Hmmm,  I don't think I've ever seen a picture of Oprah in a hat. 

The queen will wear a bigger tiara than the bride so that everyone knows who is boss.  All the other female weddings guests will wear big hats.  Big, strange looking hats.  Some will sprout feathers, others flowers.  Some will be the size of golf umbrellas.  Liken it to the Kentucky Derby without the horse race and the mint juleps. I had to wear hats when I was a kid when I went to church.  I hated the elastic band under the chin and the hat pin that my mom jammed into my head to keep the hat on.   I'm so over hats.  However, watching the hats at the wedding will give me endless enjoyment and lots of WTF were they thinking moments. 

Camilla, her future step mother in law, will have to curtsy to Kate.  Something on the news about royal pecking order and Camilla's past.  I'd be happy if my mother in law would just be NICE to me.  No need to curtsy, but that would be a plus in our relationship.   And speaking of Camilla, how come the British pronounce it Ka-Miller?  Where is the R in Camilla?  "Ka-Miller will be in the background at the wedding as Prince Charles' royal consort."   What is a royal consort you ask?   She sleeps with someone royal.   

The news reported that it is expected that Kate's sister will be a big part of the wedding.   Well, duh.....what sister isn't?

The Kardashian sisters will NOT be bridesmaids, regardless of what you have heard.  Not gonna happen as the queen got an advance copy of their tell all book. 

Horses will somehow figure in the celebration.  The bride will either arrive in a horse driven carriage or there will be mounted police riding horses to control the crowds.   No word on what the queen's dogs will be doing or whether they will be running around begging for food at the reception. 

There's going to be a lot of pomp and circumstances, banners, music, buglers and men in strange costumes that aren't ballet dancer wearing tights.  Picture Shrek in Far Far Away land and you'll get the idea. 

Shrek 2 Photo
DreamWorks Distribution LLC 

 

Lots of luck to the wedding couple, living life in a fishbowl can't be fun.  

Now that y'all know what is going to happen at the wedding, you can get back to everyday life.  That's exactly what I'm going to do! 

American Kids View of the Royal Wedding

It seems no one is immune from the news of the royal wedding.  While I was in the kitchen cooking my ass off for Thanksgiving, my weekend house guests were planted in front of the TV, the parents watching football, the munchkins watching TV in a bedroom. 

I decided to check on the girls who were watching a program about the royal wedding and this is what I overheard:

Announcer in a clipped British accent:  "The future princess blah blah...."

Kid 1:  "I have a princess Barbie."

Kid 2:  "I saw all the princesses when I was at Disney.  I didn't see her."

Announcer:  "Kate will be in royal boot camp to learn protocol."

Kid 1:  "My Dad was in boot camp when he was in the Army.  He had to walk a lot and do exercises."

Kid 2:  "Are they going to make her exercise?"

           "What's  royal pro-doll?"

Kid 1:  "Ummmm, they will make her drop and give them 20.  I think pro-doll is something in 4th grade."

Kid 2:  "Kayley is in 4th grade, she rides my bus."

Announcer:  "Kate will be in school to learn how to deal with royal life".

Kid 1:  "I wonder what grade she will be in, probably high school because she looks big."

Kid 2:  " Or college.   I hope she goes to Ohio State because I have a hoodie from there."

Kid 1:  "My dad says boo Buckeyes."

Kid 2:  "I wonder if she's going to have a Christmas party at school.  We always have good Christmas parties with cookies."

Announcer:  "Kate doesn't have a royal pedigree...."

Kid 1:  " Ewwww, I never want to be a princess!"

Kid 2:  "Why?"

Kid 1: "Because they make you eat dog food,  Roxy eats Pedigree.  Yuckkkkkkkk."

Kid 2:  "My brother ate dog food and he barfed.  I don't want to be a princess either."

Yup, we Americans just don't get it.  ;)