Thursday, April 1, 2010

Wedding Seating Charts Angst

Brides angst over seating charts at the reception. I've always though that seating charts are unnecessary busy work designed to distract the bride and make her crazy. If you can pass the seating chart test, you can deal with anything marriage throws your way. Uncle Joe doesn't get along with cousin Bill and they have to be separated. OMG....why can't they just get along for one day? Or act like adults? Not gonna happen. Why doesn't everyone just sit where they want to sit? Uncle Joe and cousin Bill will sit apart because they despise each other. They'll just do it. Reserve tables for the immediate family and let everyone fend for themselves.

My seating chart nightmare: I was assigned to the parents table because the bride figured out that we would be the buffer between the wack jobs and keep them entertained and out of trouble. The mother of the bride was so drugged up that she didn't know her best friend that was seated to her right. And then she started catch up with her friend who had been drinking for the last 30 or so years.

Best friends' husband was a pompous ass who drove an RV to the country club reception. He regaled us with stories of how he refused to eat anything he couldn't kill. I don't remember if he included road kill he flattened when driving his 4 by 4 truck. While the guests were dancing, he cleared their tables of the candy, mints and pasteries and bagged them up because "This will make for some good eatin' on the ride home". When was the last time you heard that someone shot a pastel chocolate mint when they went huntin'?

The best friend wore an evening jumpsuit with a back zipper that I'm sure went out of style in the 80's. After disappearing to the rest room, she comes back with one arm in the top, back unzipped, bra hanging out and a drink in both hands. Guess who had to get her dressed? Brides mom sat there and cried when her meds wore off and she realized her friends were total idiots who didn't know how to behave outside of a camp ground.

Yeah, it was a nightmare sitting through dinner, but it made for some great stories. Some day I'll dish all about this wedding that cost almost 6 figures. But you'll just have to wait...because I found THE definitive
seating chart! Just click here and prepare to laugh!

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