Thursday, August 7, 2008

Bridezillas: From Fun to Ridiculous

Are you a Bridezilla? Do you momentarily
lapse into Bridezilla mode? Wedding stress
can cause even the sweetest bride to turn into a
venom spewing person that frightens everyone in
their path, including themselves. We've categorized
Bridezillas and we hope you don't see yourself
in any category!

The Webzilla Bridzilla
The Webzilla has gotten all her advice from other
web brides and pseudo wedding experts. Armed with a
crap load of pictures and bad advice, she's out
for the hunt. She has carpel tunnel from pounding
the keyboard and strained eyes from staring at
photos online. She'll consider ordering her dress
directly from China to save cash and scream when
she sees that the cost of shipping has escalated and
the dress doesn't look like the picture. Then she'll
reboot her computer, trash them on wedding boards
and start from scratch.

The Entitled Bridezilla
My least favorite Bridezilla, this gal feels entitled
to special treatment by EVERYONE in her life because
she is THE BRIDE. She expects kid glove treatment
from her family and friends because its finally
"my turn". She wants what she wants and demands you
make it happen. She is prone to temper tantrums
and treating others badly. She pays no attention to
others schedules, its all about me, baby. I wore that
ugly dress in your wedding, now you'll wear this.

The 24/7 Bridezilla
Run, don't walk from this Bridezilla. She means well,
but she's in 24/7 wedding mode. You are supposed to
care about her wedding as much as she does. Its HER
wedding, all of the time. Unless you want to listen
to useless trite dribble about matching the color of
the napkins to a color on a butterfly's wing, tell her
the dog just puked on your carpet and hang up.
Some well meaning friend needs to tell her, hey, get
a life.

The Bridezilla With Possee
This is the Bridezilla who travels with a possee
of contrarians. They are armed with digital cameras,
notebooks and a slew of phone numbers. Every one is
a self ordained wedding expert who serve as nothing
other than to confuse the bride and exert opinions
of what THEY like. They will trash her hair color,
makeup and comment on the size of her bee-hind.
They'll piss her off royally and she'll blow.

The Drill Sargeant Bridezilla

The ultra organized bride who expects everyone to
jump when she barks orders. She treats her wedding
party like Army privates in basic training.

This is an actual time line from a Drill Sarge Bridezilla:

Friday, 6PM: Deadline for submitting your dress for approval
for the rehearsal dinner. Do I need to stress AGAIN that
I want new, flowered sundresses with a crisp white background?
No low necklines, no halters, no minis and dress must have
straps that must be worn. No bra straps are to show and white
bras must be worn!!!
Sandals must match a color in the print and pedicures are
a must. No ankle bracelets, dangling earrings or toe rings.
Makeup is NOT optional, but no shiny or sparkly eyeshadow
or Amy Winehouse eyeliner, please.

The rehearsal cocktail party will be at Kara's house at 7pm
on Thursday, the 18th. Kara, make sure you have practiced
the martini as we discussed.
You are expected to mix and mingle with all guests and
act as hostesses to make everyone feel welcome.

8 hours of sleep required because Friday is the rehearsal
dinner and I expect you to show up in your rehearsal
attire at 6PM at the church. Rehearsal is at 6:30 to ?
Please use the bathroom prior to the official start time
because there will be no breaks allowed until the
rehearsal is over. Dinner will be at the restaurant
after rehearsal. You are expected to be finished before
10pm so you can go home and rest up for my wedding
on Saturday.
Oh, and don't forget to wash and wax your cars for
the pre wedding festivities.

Mutiny anyone?

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