Royal Wedding Questions That Aren't Being Answered

I swore I'd leave the royal wedding wedding pass and not comment.  The media is making me crazy with all the coverage.  Only two more days, but there are so many questions I NEED answered that aren't being answered or even asked.  Since my brain doesn't work like a normal brain, here are some of the wedding questions that I find interesting and I want answered.  

What if Kate has to pee during the festivities?   As our American queen, Oprah says  "Everyone pees."  Since a lot of women are nervous pee-ers,  did protocol go over the "what if's" with Kate?   Does she start dehydrating herself before the wedding?   Does she wear a Depend?  Or does she just stand there and suffer?   Or is she discreetly escorted to the royal throne room?   ;)  And is there a staff member assigned to hold up her train while she does her business?    OK, you many find this silly, but after working with brides for eons, I know brides worry about this subject.  Common brides usually assign this task to their maid of honor.  I hope Kate has this handled.  Stay away from the tea and coffee and soda, Kate.

And speaking of Oprah, why wasn't she invited to the wedding?  I mean, I can understand the Obama's, but Oprah?   Really?   Do the British want to open up old wounds from when we split from their rule?  

What happens if it rains and the feathered hats and fascinators worn by the guests start to reek and smell?  Nothing smells worse than wet feathers unless its a wet dog.   I can't imagine wet feathers in a musty old palace overtaking the smell of wedded bliss at the reception. 

What if Camilla needs a smoke?   Is there a place she can escape to light up? Nothing is worse than needing a smoke and not being able to smoke, kind of like suffering through a long airplane flight.  And is Camilla pissed that she wasn't able to have a royal wedding?   And will she cringe when the groom remembers his mother during the ceremony?  

Will Prince Harry stay sober during the festivities?  Will we see You Tube videos of him stumbling around London with some woman of ill repute in the early morning hours following the wedding? 

Will the queen have a little shot of  jagermeister to steady her nerves and keep her tiara headache from getting full blown?  Will she wear a tiara under her hat?  

And who will be the first company to produce the copy of Kate's dress?  One of the Moradi family  from Faviana was on the Today show and they have sketchbooks out and ready.  Shout out to the gang at Faviana....hey, Omid!   Faviana is a contender as are ABS by Alan Schwartz and every factory in China who manufacturers anything wedding related.   Or will it be some independent seamstress on Etsy?  

Shut Up About The Royal Wedding Already!

I don't think I'm going to survive the royal wedding.  I made a vow I was going to boycott the news or the royal wedding, but I can't seem to avoid it.  Its everywhere!

This morning I turned on the TV and the newscaster chirpily said " There are less than 80 days to Kate and William's wedding".  And this is news and it affects me how?  Then she proceeded to say you can download an I-phone app that counts down the days to the wedding.  OMG, if you need to download this app, you need to get a life.

Flipping channels I came across a dress designer who claims that Kate will wear two wedding dresses.  Of course, the first dress will ABSOLUTELY have long sleeves because the aisle in Westminster Abbey is so long that long sleeves are required.  REALLY?  I never got the memo. 

Another channel talks about Kate dieting before the wedding.  Really?  If she loses any more weight, all we will be able to see is the big smile and the feathers sticking out of her hat.  The newscaster said " Of course, all future brides want to lose weight for their wedding."   Yeah,  IF they need to lose weight, she's bone thin already.

Another channel is interviewing two blokes who will be joining the crowd outside the Abbey  the day of the wedding.  They are trying to decide whether to wear top hats.  Really?  I couldn't hog tie my husband to stand in any crowd, much less wear a top hat.

Flipping again,  there is discussion if Kate will wear a tiara.  Kate, if your future grandmother in law is willing to loan you some royal jewels, go for it.   Return it at your leisure.

Flip!  The royal wedding will NOT have a budget.  I know thousands of brides who are pinching pennies for the most basic wedding who would like to slap the crap out of that newscaster, just because. 

Geeze, then there's the news that China is churning out Kate and William trinkets to sell so everyone can have a royal souvenir.  I'll pass.

As an American, I don't get the monarchy.  I don't get what they do...if they do anything besides smile before the camera.   Do they have jobs?  Do they get paid?

 Avoiding the royal wedding is like trying to avoid news of Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan.   Go back to rehab already.  With all the turmoil in Egypt, I find this all hard to digest as news. How is the royal wedding any more important than YOUR wedding?  I give the whole thing a big WHO CARES and a big REALLY?

American Kids View of the Royal Wedding

It seems no one is immune from the news of the royal wedding.  While I was in the kitchen cooking my ass off for Thanksgiving, my weekend house guests were planted in front of the TV, the parents watching football, the munchkins watching TV in a bedroom. 

I decided to check on the girls who were watching a program about the royal wedding and this is what I overheard:

Announcer in a clipped British accent:  "The future princess blah blah...."

Kid 1:  "I have a princess Barbie."

Kid 2:  "I saw all the princesses when I was at Disney.  I didn't see her."

Announcer:  "Kate will be in royal boot camp to learn protocol."

Kid 1:  "My Dad was in boot camp when he was in the Army.  He had to walk a lot and do exercises."

Kid 2:  "Are they going to make her exercise?"

           "What's  royal pro-doll?"

Kid 1:  "Ummmm, they will make her drop and give them 20.  I think pro-doll is something in 4th grade."

Kid 2:  "Kayley is in 4th grade, she rides my bus."

Announcer:  "Kate will be in school to learn how to deal with royal life".

Kid 1:  "I wonder what grade she will be in, probably high school because she looks big."

Kid 2:  " Or college.   I hope she goes to Ohio State because I have a hoodie from there."

Kid 1:  "My dad says boo Buckeyes."

Kid 2:  "I wonder if she's going to have a Christmas party at school.  We always have good Christmas parties with cookies."

Announcer:  "Kate doesn't have a royal pedigree...."

Kid 1:  " Ewwww, I never want to be a princess!"

Kid 2:  "Why?"

Kid 1: "Because they make you eat dog food,  Roxy eats Pedigree.  Yuckkkkkkkk."

Kid 2:  "My brother ate dog food and he barfed.  I don't want to be a princess either."

Yup, we Americans just don't get it.  ;)